To our new students, welcome, and to our old students, welcome back. Congratulations on being sorted into Worcester College, perhaps the greatest of all Oxford’s colleges, certainly the sauciest. No doubt you are all unable to contain your excitement at the prospect of the year ahead, the new challenges you will face, and the many shoes you will drink from. But before you become too delirious with these thoughts, a few notices must be given: First years should note that the Bar is forbidden to all pupils before 6pm. The third floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death; a similar fate beckons if you walk across the Quad, so please just don’t. We house Luke Rickard. Also, no magic is to be used outside of lectures, tutorials, and the college grounds, as we do not wish to scare the muggles that mostly inhabit Oxford. Notices now out of the way, it remains for me to wish you good luck, and hope you enjoy the coming year at Hogwa-, erm, Worcester.